Sunday, March 22, 2009

Surviving Danger Day!

Wow, I am pretty excited, I managed to stay in my house last night, alone, and not binge on anything, better yet, I didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything. And there were even temptations in the house but I managed to survive! I just can't believe how good I feel right now, I mean I really feel like I can do this now. I have gone 6 days without binging on food.

I treated myself to a little parfait last night, and the recipe called for peanut butter. And for a moment I stood there with the jar in my hand and thought back to last weekend when I had waited up till midnight to be alone with that very jar. But I didn't really even feel the urge to eat it out of the jar. I took what I needed and put it back, just like that! What a liberating feeling, I beat the peanut butter! And I hope I'm not getting ahead of myself because I have been here before where my cockiness got the best of me, but I am just feeling so proud of myself. And I even had a hot breakfast today (as opposed to my usual yogurt, cereal, fruit I usually have) with a real egg (not egg whites!).

I have a busy day ahead of me, lots of school work planned, enough to keep me busy anyway. This is day 7 and I do not have to binge, nor do I feel like I should. I feel like my stomach isn't as swollen from all the crap I had last weekend. Although I am afraid to look at the scales because I don't want to get upset because I have been good this week and if I see a number I don't like will be depressing. But I don't need to be controlled by the numbers on a scale, contrary to what he tells me. Yes, I think this is how "normal" people feel. But again, don't want to get ahead of myself, I will take today one moment at a time, one hour at a time.

How was your weekend?

xo

*N

2 comments:

  1. So proud of you *N!!

    I've been sick all weekend....spent ALL day on the couch friday...like, literally 25 hours streight. But, here's what's soooo frustrating. I stopped at the grocrey store on Friday morning to get some soup, milk and fruit...b/c my house is empty of food...a coping mechinism.....and in my awful sick state, I bought chips and choclate....and ate a TON. :( I don't know what th eheck is wrong with me.

    Well, yesterday, I had fries along with my lunch, so I wasn't perfect, but that was the only bad stuff I had. Instead of getting choclate bars last night, I made low fat choc. pudding. Was great :) Felt good.

    Today, I've bene doing well. Had yummy toast with peanut butter for breakfast....with no guilt. Then for lunch I had a pork chop and left over pudding. So far today, I'm doing well :)

    I too have been avoiding the scale. I feel like it is the enemy...a tool used to make me feel awful. So,to help me not feel awful, I'm just avoiding it. :)

    I'm going to start planning a reward for my self....like, after 5 streight days, I can buy a new pair of earings....after 10, something more etc etc. I haven't gotten it all figured out yet, but I will today :)

    I'm feeling strong, but avoiding feeling cockie!!.

    Good luck for the rest of the day!!!!

    jj

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  2. Ugh, that sucks JJ, I hate being sick (although would love to spend 25 straight hours on the couch, haha). Sorry to hear about your eating though :( Sounds like you had a good Saturday though! Regardless of your having french fries, it doesn't sound like you binged on anything so focus on that!

    Last night when I had my parfait I threw in some chocolate pudding - I get the 60 cal sugar free containers already made which are pretty yummy. Then I mixed together FF Cool Whip and a bit of peanut butter and layered in a package of 100 calorie cookies, so while it sounds like a big treat, it was actually very satisfying and on a modest calorie/fat consumption (just as an idea if you are looking for one :)

    I think it's so important to be able to eat "Normally" and recognize that there doesn't have to be any guilt associated with eating anything that isn't a fruit or vegetable, good job!

    And I think it's a fantastic idea to reward yourself after a set number of days, in fact I should think about that for myself (not food, of course), but maybe a small treat like you said.

    Good luck the rest of today!

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