8,9,10!

Hello! I hope you all had a good weekend, mine was super busy with lots going on, but will update as best I can.

I was nervous going into the weekend, having gone out on Friday and Saturday night. Friday night turned out to be ok. I went about my regular business and when we got to our friend's place, it was just an evening of drinking (of which I did not partake), so I was happy to sip water for the evening, and felt NO temptations! So that evening earned me my 8th shiny star :)

Saturday was just a regular day - had barbecue for supper (YUM!), but after supper started feeling munchy... maybe not munchy, but I got in the mood for ice cream. So my mom and I snuck out for about a half hour to head to DQ where we both indulged on banana splits, and it really hit the spot. There was no guilt associated with this treat since I really hadn't eaten anything "extra" during the week (as in had not exceeded my daily ww points allowance, so had a lot to burn). So I think having that treat before the birthday party we went to Saturday night prepared me to say no to birthday treats. I was able to go the party the whole night and not eat anything (lots of hors d'heurves, desserts, etc). Toward the end of the night I had felt a little munchy and found myself staring longingly at chocolate brownies, but was able to resist. I was stronger than the brownies. 9th shiny star!

So then today was a long day. We went to my bf's parents house, which is usually worrisome for me because it often consists of uncertain foods, as in foods which I don't know nutritional information for (which I find to be very stressful when I can't calculate points... something I would eventually like to not obsess over, but for now I'm tyring to deal with the binging - baby steps). So I packed up my food for the day and stuck to what I had packed. I think when I first started doing this they were offended that I was bringing my own food, but I think they just ignore it now. I don't disagree that it's weird, but again, I will deal with this fear of eating uncertain foods eventually. So while they all ate soup, I quietly ate my instant oatmeal in the kitchen by myself, but I couldn't handle the stress of eating the soup, so I guess it was ok. It was had after lunch when someone brought out chocolate cookies and laid them RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, but I literally angled my body away from them so I couldn't see them and pushed them out of mind (which was damn hard!)

By the time we left, I realized I still had a lot of points leftover, as my food week ends today, so on the way home we swung into Tim Hortons where I got a donut and iced capp. When I eventually made it home I had turkey dinner (in moderation) and dessert (again, in moderation). Now I know it looks like I have eaten a lot of food since Saturday night when we went for ice cream, but I maintain that I have not binged on anything, and that I have not overeaten. When calculating my "points", I even came in under my daily and weekly points allowance, so while it sounds like I have overeaten, I did good. 10 shiny stars!

About a half hour ago, people were starting to go to bed in my house and I saw an opportunity to go downstairs for more dessert, which I really don't need, since I have a full stomach, and I stood in the kitchen for a second or two getting water, and I thought to myself "Is that what *N wants? What would my brother do? Better yet, what would he WANT me to do?" And this was enough to snap me out of it and send me here, to my computer. I am glad I was able to catch myself in the moment and be so sensible about what I was thinking, because it seems when I get on any stretch of doing good is when I lose my edge, and find myself back at Day 1. I am looking at my calendar with all my shiny stars on it and see I have a solid week plus a few days without binging - and I know this hasn't happened in a while because looking back over my food diary, I usually write off Saturdays and/or Sundays. So I am not going to get ahead of myself and say I am going for 2 weeks or 14 days, because that is overwhelming, but I am going to make it through the day tomorrow. "One day at a time" is the motto that will get me through this.

So this week I am meeting with M (my counsellor) on Wednesday, of which I hope I will have a good update for her; and then Thursday I will go back to that OA meeting, although maybe I should try my hand again at that Tuesday evening meeting, if I can figure out where it is... I am going out of town on Saturday, to return on Sunday which is a bit of a worry because I`m not sure I will be able to control the food available to me. Hopefully I will be ok to bring my own food, but I will deal with this later in the week as it gets closer to Saturday.

Well this was longer than I thought, but about updates my weekend. It was a good weekend, and I feel so good. And feeling good is NOT A REASON FOR ME TO BINGE :)

xo *N