Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday Recap

Just a regular day. I was at work today and had brought all my food with me. Hadn't planned on the one piece of chocolate that found its way onto my desk, but I dealt with it, not by depriving myself, but by ENJOYING the one piece of chocolate. It wasn't the end of the world and didn't kill me. So while it may not sound huge to have eaten one piece of chocolate, I know even a month ago I would have tortured myself over it for hours before eating it and feeling guilty for the rest of the day, so 2 thumbs up there.

I am getting ready to head out of town tomorrow for the night and am slightly worried about my food for tomorrow. In anticipation of being houseguests tomorrow, we have made some fudge to take as a small token gift... hopefully not setting myself up for danger but I have cleared 2 hurdles so far this evening, one being that I didn't fawn over it as it was being made; and two that when I went to put it away about a half hour ago, I didn't get into it, nor did I feel deprived of it! So I feel like this is half the battle. Maybe I will have some tomorrow, who knows... I HOPE that if I do have some, it is in moderation and not the better part of a full pan of it. Won't get the chance to journal tomorrow since I will be away - maybe I will take a notebook to write in if I feel the urge strike. I guess where I am now is that I see this as a dangerous time, so I have to be on my game tomorrow, probably more so than I have been within the last 15 days... Here's to hoping!



  1. Hey, it's been a crazy week for me! Glad to hear that you are doing so well! To answer your question, yep, it's something that I did a whole lot, I stopped when I was pregnant with my daughter but I think about it every now that I'm not preggers, I want to so bad it's sick....Wednesday I had some chicken some I mean one bite of chicken and two bites of the noodles, that was enough for me! Thursday I didn't eat anything because of the pasta, chicken and greasy cheese the day before, Friday, again nothing. Today I had a hamburger at my MIL's place, I dabbed it with a napkin, but ate it...then came the cookies, and hot dogs, and pepper cheese, and ice cream, then jungle gim's...I did go to the bathroom after all of that, and I am now disgusted with myself, but strangely relieved. I hate how I feel better after doing it, but I do, I feel happy...light...gah...I wish I could go to a group or something without anyone knowing :(

  2. Wow hun you have been doing incredible! You are certainly on track going into the weekend; I hope it's going well for you. Having a sticker for journalling sounds like a great idea too!

    What sort of philosophy do they have at OA that you aren't sure will help you? I tried doing an online course called the Lord's Table it was a Christian thing focussed on helping to stop overeating by turning to God instead, but it did not help me and I was finding that it was causing obsessive thoughts for me. I think it might help some people though.

    The funny thing is that I can bake things to give away and not be tempted at all, but when people give stuff to me or buy it and have it around, that's when it gets to me.

    take care sweetie :) **hugs** xoxo

  3. Adrienne, it sounds like we subscribe to the same philosophy: "go big or go home", which I find can be very self destructing because I know my mentality is "if I have one thing, it's all down hill from here, so why fight it?", which sounds like what happened at your MIL's place... especially after not eating much after a few days... I know that can be hard.

    As for attending a group without anyone knowing, the one I go people only go by first names, but if you see anyone there you know, they are likely struggling with the same issues... I would love to start some sort of group or something but don't know that I'm ready to meet people, especially since I put so much of my struggles online... but I will say attending a group meeting is great to be around people with similar problems...

    Take care and let me know how you're doing!

  4. Hey April, thanks, I feel really good too, I am praying I don't lose focus.

    I guess the message from OA is to acknowledge that "a higher power than yourself can restore you to sanity", I guess it's kind of hard to explain my conflictions - I do consider myself to be religious but also believe that I can put faith in myself to recover from this... not even sure if that makes sense.... I'm also not sure I agree with the word "Sanity"... hard to say at this point, am going to give it a few more weeks

    I know what you mean about baking for yourself vs. receiving treats... i barely ate any fidge but wonder if I had received it from someone if I would have resisted... it is funny stufff..... hope you're getting back on track!