I can taste the end of my 7 days (no pun intended). As of now, I have gone 5 consecutive days without binging. And I love it. But it's all I think about, especially when we had company over for supper tonight and everyone had desert but me. Not because I didn't want to, because I did, but because my mother called me out yesterday on "eating too much food", when I mentioned that I had gained weight over the last month or so. She doesn't know that I am dealing with this in my life right now, but it's interesting that she would say that, I thought I was being so sneaking and sly about eating by myself - when others leave the room or go to bed. Not knowing that this is taking over my life, this kind of comment is likely the kind of thing that could set me up for failure. For example, not eating desert with everyone, it would/will be easy for me to overcompensate (i.e. binge) when I am alone, as I am now. But I am making such an effort to not go to the kitchen for cake, because I know if I start, I won't stop.
And it wasn't necessarily easy to not eat mindlessly from the peanut butter tub, it is all I want to do right now. I don't even know why I have such a weakness for peanut butter, growing up, I didn't even like it that much. But through the weekend, I was able to plan my meals and snacks, which made it easy to adhere to.
It wasn't as easy as that though. Yesterday while volunteering at my church dinner, I found myself salivating over the desert trays (as I usually do), and what started out as committing to not having any, turned into sharing one desert. Two deserts. Three deserts. Yep, three deserts. But in my defense, I shared them in a controlled environment (in public). So while I wasn't proud of sharing three deserts, knowing that I hadn't binged on a whole cake/pan made me feel ok, and I even let myself eat the supper I had planned for myself (a low-fat chicken fajita, but nonetheless).
So I survived five days without a binge, two of those days being unstructured weekend days, which is when I find myself the most vulnerable, so I feel I can take it to Wednesday from here. Tuesday is also shaping up to be a Danger Day, however I am taking proactive measures to fight it. I will not be home on Tuesday due to some entertaining going on in the house on Tuesday night, so will spend the evening with my boyfriend. Maybe I should start looking ahead to Wednesday as well so I won't be around all the residual temptations.
It is Sunday night and I feel so much better than I did this time last Sunday. Mentally and physically.
*N
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