RESTART - Week 1

Wow. I officially made it one whole week without binging on food. I would not say I survived the week without overeating though, I do differentiate between the two. The main contrast for me between the two, is whether or not the eating is by myself.

An example of my binging would be discussed in most of my entries: loss of control around food; eating lots of "food" in a set period of time, which I put in quotations because a lot of my binging is on sweet, desert type things - peanut butter, chocolate, deserts, cookie dough, etc; in other words "worth it" foods - never real food.

For me overeating would be maybe eating too much food in the presence of others or eating "real food", for example eating 2 or 3 servings of something rather than 1, or eating a 3 course meal rather than one. This isn't something I do a lot. I don't feel the need to overeat because it doesn't matter to me whether or not I have an extra slice of pizza, what matters is just gorging on peanut butter, cookie dough, muffin/cake batter, deserts, anything sweet. I often overeat at restaurants (buffets in particular, which I try and avoid).

So the reason I differentiate between the two is because I feel as though I overate on the weekend. Being Valentine's Day, my bf and I celebrated over lots of yummy food, and having polished off a bottle of wine, my judgement wasn't great that evening, but I resisted the urge to binge, and trust me, it was there. Specifically last night, having planned out my food for the day and eaten everything, I thought I had an alright week, but then wanted rice cakes around 11pm, and what goes better with rice cakes than peanut butter? So I ate these rice cakes with more peanut butter than I should have, but since it wasn't in my meal plan, I feel as though this was overeating (none of it was in secret, but in the company of my bf), and I had it spread pretty high on those rice cakes. But I am sticking to my feelings - I didn't binge, just overate.

So, like I've said before, it's all about baby steps I guess. While I didn't binge last week, I overate on Saturday and Sunday. Maybe this week I can go without binging and overeating (although I have a drinking night planned for Friday Night with some co-workers, which has me worried). And I wasn't without Ed's Valentine's seductions as I did want to binge at least twice over the week, and he wouldn't let me eat real pizza on Friday, but I survived his strongest temptation, which is to binge. I am feeling pretty good about the week ahead.

I hope you all had a good weekend and managed to survive the Valentine's Temptations, because I know they were everywhere.

xo *N