The Pre-Valentine's Battle: *N 1 - Ed 1

So I have gone 5 consecutive days without binging or overeating, and I feel fantastic. But I will say, yesterday was NOT easy. In celebration of Valentine's Day, one of the girls from work brought in lots of Valentine's Day candy, all the good stuff too - lots of chocolate. So one day a week I work as a receptionist and it seems whenever we have treats brought into the office they sit at the front reception desk (my desk), because that is where all the staff hang out on their free time.

In the past I've tried moving treats out of site, but they always get put back. So I sat there yesterday not concentrating on my work, but thinking about eating the chocolate: how many I could have, how many points in each one, etc. It was torturous. But I am happy to say that I survived the day while only consuming 4 chocolates (you may consider this giving into him, but on the "diet" plan I follow, which counts points, I allowed myself to do so). Through allowing myself to have chocolate, I felt that it would help me from binging on them if I could feel satisfied through having a few. However, by the end of the day, I felt so drained from arguing back and forth with him in my head. But I do feel as though I beat him yesterday... sort of.

He won out in the sense that he didn't let me proceed with my plans of ordering pizza for a movie night. Instead since I had eaten the chocolate yesterday (6 points worth), I had to forgo ordering pizza, instead making my own low fat pizza (not a bad dinner, but not the one I was looking forward to eating all week). But I didn't binge, and to me that was more important than not eating the pizza. So it was a point for both of us yesterday. So it is going to be a long weekend - today being Valentine's Day, we are celebrating with two big meals today and tomorrow, but since meeting with my counsellor and now knowing and believing that it isn't about the food for me, I think I can come out of this weekend having spent my time with my boyfriend rather than Ed.

One of these men loves me, the other loves controlling me. One wants me to be happy, the other wants to be happy at my expense. I know which one to choose this weekend, I hope that I will be strong enough to allow myself to be romanced by only one this weekend.

Happy Valentine's Day

xo *N