Day 2

So I think it is safe to say I survived a second day without a binge (although anything could happen between now and when I go home, but I am optimistic). I feel different - good different - in that I am confident I can do this. Until the weekend at least when I am vulnerable to lack of structure. I am a very structured and regimented person in my day-to-day life, which I feel is what keeps me in check during the week. I think it is the freedom and lack of structure on the weekends which is what causes me to binge. I am afraid for February Break coming up next week, when I will have a week filled with opportunity to binge, although binging won't be easy since a lot has been removed from my house. But my counsellor says if an addict wants something bad enough, they will find a way to get it.

I am meeting with her tomorrow, and I need it so badly. It was two long weeks ago today that I last saw her, and I can't believe how much has happened in that time. I binged the very day I saw her, convinced I was a new me, ready to leave binging behind forever. Then I made it a straight 8 days without binging, and when I fell, I fell hard (4 day "bender" anyone?). So now I am back to taking it one day at a time. Today was a hard day, as all I thought about was food. I have a bad habit of going into the cafeteria and just looking at "what could be", or strolling through the grocery store and salivating over bakery items. A bad habit, I know, because it just encourages bad thoughts and behaviour. But in spite of this, I made it through today without over eating or binging. But all I am thinking about now is eating. But I can't. I won't. The day is almost over, I can do this.