A "Good" Day

My counsellor doesn't believe in good and bad days. It is her belief that by labelling a day or behaviour as "good" (not binging/not overeating/maintaining control) or "bad" (binging/overeating/losing control/starving/restricting/purging), we set ourselves up for the very extreme behaviour which we are either rewarding or punishing ourselves for. I have to agree with her, it can be a dangerous mentality and feed the behaviours (no pun intended) that we are trying to break, which in turn cause the negative behaviours. However, I have to call it what it was: today was a good day. The second consecutive day in my adjusted 7 day cycle of not binging. And I feel good as well, both physically and emotionally. It is nice to wear sweats because you are feeling lazy and want to be comfortable, rather than because the button on your jeans is digging into your bulging gut.

That being said though, it is coming up to the weekend, and I hope that I am ready for it. Historically speaking, this is when I do some of my "best" binging. My counsellor thinks it is because I don't have a routine during this time, which makes me susceptible to Ed's temptations. So I am trying to be proactive this weekend. I have done my best to fill up my schedule and occupy myself so when he comes for me, I will tell him to fuck off. I'm anticipating him coming and have already started preparing reasons as to why I won't be with him. I am going to work tomorrow. I will go to the library. I will volunteer. After a long absence, I will go to church on Sunday. I have plans without him on Friday and Saturday night. I don't worry about him coming for me outside of the house, because I do my binging in the privacy of my house, so his fast food friends have no sway over me.

So all I can do at this point is hold my breath and hope for the best. Here goes nothing!

*N