Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Comin' Down, Comin' Down, Comin' Down...

...Spinnin 'round, Spinnin' round, Spinnin' round'

Here I sit approximately 9 hours later, and the more I think about it, food (being my drug of choice) is really not that different from alcohol. I am suffering from a food hangover, similar to how I've felt after a night on the town, and the more often this happens, the more often I am waking up with a "food hangover". I mean, we've all said these things while we're drinking: "I am going to sleep this off", "I shouldn't have eaten so much last night" (I shouldn't have drank so much last night), "I am not doing this again for a long time".

And then there is the "comin' down". I binge on sugary foods (chocolate, peanut butter, sweets, etc.), so you can imagine that's quite a sugar rush for your body. But then when you come down off of it, you just crash. I get a little shaky, my heart races and you just lose your energy, and for me makes me want to sleep. Perhaps how a drug addict feels coming down off their high. I've not figured out if I want to sleep so I don't have to stay awake and acknowledge what I've done, if it's because I'm actually tired, or if it's coming down off a sugar rush that drains me.

I'm not exercising this morning as I usually do because I feel too crappy (Please don't misconstrue my desire to exercise this morning as a desire to purge my body of last night. Exercising is something I enjoy as it makes me feel good about myself. I feel so strong and empowered when I'm running or kicking butt in a cardio class). So because I ate too much last night, I am not going to start my day off with this feeling of empowerment and enjoyment, like I start most days because my stomach feels so bad. The more I think about it, this is an addiction. It is a fucked up addiction because it makes you eat so much and it tells people that you are disgusting for doing so.

*N

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