Another Good Day :)

Today was another good day for me! It was nothing special so this will be nothing exciting. I broke routine and had a light breakfast before I went to the gym this morning (a BIG nono under the ED regime), so I feel good about allowing myself to do so. This is a big part of this "normal eating" I had been trying to understand - eating when my body tells me to, not when the routine or ED says to, so it is a big deal that I had done so today. I nourished myself with another small feeding after the gym as well.

I survived the afternoon having gone out for lunch for a good sized salad, which held me through the afternoon, right until supper time when I had a good plate of spaghetti, yum!

Had a few treats after dinner, but nothing major. I surpassed my daily points target by 4, but that is ok because the treats were worth it.

I'm heading to see ~M~ tomorrow, I feel like I have a lot to talk about and update her on.

I hope you all had a good day :)

xo

Checking In

Hopefully not premature, but I have survived another day! It was a beautiful day and managed to get outside for a while for a walk on a nearby trail, which was great exercise, but also kept my mind occupied with something other than food. Not much to report on today, heading out for a night of tv with the bf, but he is usually good to keep me in line if I start to stray.

I hope you all had a good day. Nothing exciting on for tomorrow, but hopefully will be another good day.

xo *N

8,9,10!

Hello! I hope you all had a good weekend, mine was super busy with lots going on, but will update as best I can.

I was nervous going into the weekend, having gone out on Friday and Saturday night. Friday night turned out to be ok. I went about my regular business and when we got to our friend's place, it was just an evening of drinking (of which I did not partake), so I was happy to sip water for the evening, and felt NO temptations! So that evening earned me my 8th shiny star :)

Saturday was just a regular day - had barbecue for supper (YUM!), but after supper started feeling munchy... maybe not munchy, but I got in the mood for ice cream. So my mom and I snuck out for about a half hour to head to DQ where we both indulged on banana splits, and it really hit the spot. There was no guilt associated with this treat since I really hadn't eaten anything "extra" during the week (as in had not exceeded my daily ww points allowance, so had a lot to burn). So I think having that treat before the birthday party we went to Saturday night prepared me to say no to birthday treats. I was able to go the party the whole night and not eat anything (lots of hors d'heurves, desserts, etc). Toward the end of the night I had felt a little munchy and found myself staring longingly at chocolate brownies, but was able to resist. I was stronger than the brownies. 9th shiny star!

So then today was a long day. We went to my bf's parents house, which is usually worrisome for me because it often consists of uncertain foods, as in foods which I don't know nutritional information for (which I find to be very stressful when I can't calculate points... something I would eventually like to not obsess over, but for now I'm tyring to deal with the binging - baby steps). So I packed up my food for the day and stuck to what I had packed. I think when I first started doing this they were offended that I was bringing my own food, but I think they just ignore it now. I don't disagree that it's weird, but again, I will deal with this fear of eating uncertain foods eventually. So while they all ate soup, I quietly ate my instant oatmeal in the kitchen by myself, but I couldn't handle the stress of eating the soup, so I guess it was ok. It was had after lunch when someone brought out chocolate cookies and laid them RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, but I literally angled my body away from them so I couldn't see them and pushed them out of mind (which was damn hard!)

By the time we left, I realized I still had a lot of points leftover, as my food week ends today, so on the way home we swung into Tim Hortons where I got a donut and iced capp. When I eventually made it home I had turkey dinner (in moderation) and dessert (again, in moderation). Now I know it looks like I have eaten a lot of food since Saturday night when we went for ice cream, but I maintain that I have not binged on anything, and that I have not overeaten. When calculating my "points", I even came in under my daily and weekly points allowance, so while it sounds like I have overeaten, I did good. 10 shiny stars!

About a half hour ago, people were starting to go to bed in my house and I saw an opportunity to go downstairs for more dessert, which I really don't need, since I have a full stomach, and I stood in the kitchen for a second or two getting water, and I thought to myself "Is that what *N wants? What would my brother do? Better yet, what would he WANT me to do?" And this was enough to snap me out of it and send me here, to my computer. I am glad I was able to catch myself in the moment and be so sensible about what I was thinking, because it seems when I get on any stretch of doing good is when I lose my edge, and find myself back at Day 1. I am looking at my calendar with all my shiny stars on it and see I have a solid week plus a few days without binging - and I know this hasn't happened in a while because looking back over my food diary, I usually write off Saturdays and/or Sundays. So I am not going to get ahead of myself and say I am going for 2 weeks or 14 days, because that is overwhelming, but I am going to make it through the day tomorrow. "One day at a time" is the motto that will get me through this.

So this week I am meeting with M (my counsellor) on Wednesday, of which I hope I will have a good update for her; and then Thursday I will go back to that OA meeting, although maybe I should try my hand again at that Tuesday evening meeting, if I can figure out where it is... I am going out of town on Saturday, to return on Sunday which is a bit of a worry because I`m not sure I will be able to control the food available to me. Hopefully I will be ok to bring my own food, but I will deal with this later in the week as it gets closer to Saturday.

Well this was longer than I thought, but about updates my weekend. It was a good weekend, and I feel so good. And feeling good is NOT A REASON FOR ME TO BINGE :)

xo *N

Friday

Work turned out to be a worry for nothing. I had packed my food for the day, but to my (happy) surprise, there was no leftover Easter candy, so I managed to survive the day! I came home to eat a good supper, and had a nice treat afterward as well. I'm getting ready to head out to meet up with some friends shortly, I am hoping there isn't too much food around. I can say no to liquor, but the food is a little harder. Same for tomorrow night, we are heading out to a party... I guess my upcoming challenges will be successfully surviving tonight and tomorrow night. And I guess it's not binging that worries me, it will be the opportunity to overeat.

I hope you all had a good day.

To the man who sent a comment, I misplaced it, but thanks for posting. As much as I'm sorry you suffer with this as well, it is always comforting to hear that this affects men, not just women. Have you ever considered therapy for this? I know for me, it helps so much to talk to my counsellor every two weeks...

Just Checking In

Survived another day! Didn't make it to the OA meeting tonight since I had other plans for the evening, but I was feeling strong today. This is my 7th consecutive day :) I felt really good today, and by that I mean I felt happy, I feel like my head is out of the clouds again (which seems to be where it goes when I'm binging). I feel like my head is clear and I am feeling emotionally and mentally better (but again I've said this before and this seems to be when I fall). So going into tomorrow and the weekend I am going to have to be on my game and be sure to check in with my feelings so I can see them spelled out for me.

I am slightly worried about going to work tomorrow, I have a feeling there will be temptations :( but in anticipation of this I am going to go into work with my game face on.

How did you make out today?

xo

:)

Another day! Another day of food sobriety! This would be day 6 I guess. I survived dining out with my friends and I have to say, I actually enjoyed myself, I mean I don't remember having such a good time in recent memory. The only stress of the evening was when a friend ordered this appetizer for the table and insisted on my trying it, to which I did, but only had a little bit. I ate my own meal and the soup and bread that came with it with no guilt, and stopped when I was full (is this how normal people do it?)! The evening was a success! So not much to report, but a quiet day is a good day.

Hope you had a good day today!

xo *N

Just Checking In

It's about midday on Wednesday and I'm feeling good. I had a great conversation with my brother last night, he is just so motivating to me - he's become like my own personal cheerleader or something. He gets it.

Anyway, I woke up not feeling good this morning, in a grumpy mood, you could say - as I snapped at my boyfriend for no real reason. Then things got a little confrontational with my mother, which upset me, she has a way of getting under my skin - she knows what to say to get at me. So in spite of my grumpy/down mood right now, I am going to go out of my way today to not overeat or binge, because these times when I'm down are apparently when I become vulnerable to food. BINGING WILL NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

I'm a little worried, I'm heading out to dinner with friends this evening to celebrate us all being done school. I'm going to try and steer the dinner to a restaurant with "safe food", i.e. a place that has nutritional information available on the website so I can track calories /points *sigh*, but if not will have to do my best to choose a smart choice.

So to recap, my goals for the day:
- don't overeat or binge to compensate for my grumpy mood
- make a good choice tonight at dinner with my friends
- BINGING WILL NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

xo *N