Friday

Work turned out to be a worry for nothing. I had packed my food for the day, but to my (happy) surprise, there was no leftover Easter candy, so I managed to survive the day! I came home to eat a good supper, and had a nice treat afterward as well. I'm getting ready to head out to meet up with some friends shortly, I am hoping there isn't too much food around. I can say no to liquor, but the food is a little harder. Same for tomorrow night, we are heading out to a party... I guess my upcoming challenges will be successfully surviving tonight and tomorrow night. And I guess it's not binging that worries me, it will be the opportunity to overeat.

I hope you all had a good day.

To the man who sent a comment, I misplaced it, but thanks for posting. As much as I'm sorry you suffer with this as well, it is always comforting to hear that this affects men, not just women. Have you ever considered therapy for this? I know for me, it helps so much to talk to my counsellor every two weeks...

Just Checking In

Survived another day! Didn't make it to the OA meeting tonight since I had other plans for the evening, but I was feeling strong today. This is my 7th consecutive day :) I felt really good today, and by that I mean I felt happy, I feel like my head is out of the clouds again (which seems to be where it goes when I'm binging). I feel like my head is clear and I am feeling emotionally and mentally better (but again I've said this before and this seems to be when I fall). So going into tomorrow and the weekend I am going to have to be on my game and be sure to check in with my feelings so I can see them spelled out for me.

I am slightly worried about going to work tomorrow, I have a feeling there will be temptations :( but in anticipation of this I am going to go into work with my game face on.

How did you make out today?

xo

:)

Another day! Another day of food sobriety! This would be day 6 I guess. I survived dining out with my friends and I have to say, I actually enjoyed myself, I mean I don't remember having such a good time in recent memory. The only stress of the evening was when a friend ordered this appetizer for the table and insisted on my trying it, to which I did, but only had a little bit. I ate my own meal and the soup and bread that came with it with no guilt, and stopped when I was full (is this how normal people do it?)! The evening was a success! So not much to report, but a quiet day is a good day.

Hope you had a good day today!

xo *N

Just Checking In

It's about midday on Wednesday and I'm feeling good. I had a great conversation with my brother last night, he is just so motivating to me - he's become like my own personal cheerleader or something. He gets it.

Anyway, I woke up not feeling good this morning, in a grumpy mood, you could say - as I snapped at my boyfriend for no real reason. Then things got a little confrontational with my mother, which upset me, she has a way of getting under my skin - she knows what to say to get at me. So in spite of my grumpy/down mood right now, I am going to go out of my way today to not overeat or binge, because these times when I'm down are apparently when I become vulnerable to food. BINGING WILL NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

I'm a little worried, I'm heading out to dinner with friends this evening to celebrate us all being done school. I'm going to try and steer the dinner to a restaurant with "safe food", i.e. a place that has nutritional information available on the website so I can track calories /points *sigh*, but if not will have to do my best to choose a smart choice.

So to recap, my goals for the day:
- don't overeat or binge to compensate for my grumpy mood
- make a good choice tonight at dinner with my friends
- BINGING WILL NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

xo *N

Another Day

Today was a good day - not over yet, but I think it's safe to say I did ok. I survived the luncheon, although it was slightly depressing when I told my former co-workers I wouldn't be joining them for the actual lunch part of the afternoon, and I felt like such a weirdo saying "I brought my own lunch", or "I ate before I came", really, who does either of these things when you know you're going to a gourmet catered luncheon? I felt like having made these excuses, this is the bottom. But it was interesting and my imagination could be running wild, but I spoke with another woman briefly, not much older than myself as we both sat outside of the dining room, waiting for the meal to be finished. She said she ate before she came, but I couldn't help but wonder, was she controlled by ED as well? I really can't imagine why someone would actually not eat at a function like this, aside from having a skewed relationship with food which wouldn't allow her to eat, as was the case for me... I don't know, maybe she legitimately ate beforehand, but I had to wonder... So I ended eating my own cold leftover "diet pizzas" in privacy, rather than mingling with former coworkers over soup, chicken/potatoes, and chocolate trifle, since when I'm not busy binging, I'm busy dieting, like I was today. Oh the price you pay...

That aside I came home and ate dinner, no problems there. I tried to go to another OA meeting, this one was in a different location and on a different night, because I have other plans on Thursday which will prevent me from going to the meeting at the same place as last week. I found this other meeting on the website, but I ended up getting lost in the maze of the Halifax hospital and couldn't even find the meeting. Disappointing, because I really want to pursue this, but not much I can do about it. Will have to be strong on my own until NEXT Thursday!

I am going into the end of day 5 and am feeling pretty good about it, my head seems to be clear for the time being. Here's to day 6 tomorrow! Happy Birthday April!

xo *N

Things Get A Little Easier

Oh what a day... nothing exciting, but without getting ahead of myself, I think I earned my 4th consecutive shiny star!

I'll be honest, around lunch time I was starting to get a little antsy... unsure about how my day might play out, as I had plans of sitting around the house for the afternoon, but my brother convinced me to head out for the afternoon, which I did. I set out to Michael's to which I browsed through there for a while but didn't really see anything that caught my eye there in terms of finding a new hobby, but that was ok. I headed over to Chapters and picked up a drink and found a book on binge eating which I sat down and read for a while (that's the beauty of Chapters, you can stay as long as you like without buying anything... hey I only have a few more months of using the poor student excuse so have to take advantage of it while I can). I forget the name of the book and only got a few chapters in, but it was basically discussing the characteristics of binge eating, who does it, etc. I'm going to head back later in the week to read some more, I am interested in the 2nd half of the book which speaks of ways to stop binging... So nothing too exciting, but before I knew it, it was 4pm and I hadn't really eaten since lunchtime, and that wasn't the end of the world.

From there I went in search of discounted Easter candy, of which I bought some for my bf that I hid in his apartment since he is out of town until tomorrow, and bought 2 cream eggs and mini eggs for myself. This was the hard part - I had them with me all afternoon, but did not intend on eating them today, I am saving those for another time... not sure when, I just don't want to miss out on those Easter staples when I feel up to enjoying them. They called out to me once I got home as I was watching tv, but I said no to them, which looking back on, I am proud of. I have however given them to my mother to guard (i.e. hide) from me until I request them. This is kind of degrading but I'm not at the point where I can trust myself yet with these treats.

I made it home and made myself some mini pizzas for supper (a low fat, tortilla "pizza", if you can call it pizza...), of which I usually eat 2. But once I had eaten the first one, I was able to listen to my body and recognize I wasn't hungry for the second one! Rather than eating it out of obligation or because it is in front of my, I wrapped it up to have for lunch tomorrow. The best part is, having a small supper allowed me to have DESSERT with NO GUILT and without OVEREATING! This is amazing! And it was so good.

So I guess looking back over the day, this was a great day, I think I made some positive steps today. However, I am slightly worried about tomorrow... I am volunteering at a luncheon for the day which is serving a 3 course lunch. My brother said not to worry about it and not to let my issues with food disrupt my day tomorrow, but I do not feel like I can handle a 3 course meal at lunch time, so unfortunately I have my own lunch, complete with healthy snacks, packed and ready to go. I hope I do not get distracted while I am there, because I'm sure it's going to be a tempting menu... but I am feeling strong and feel good about packing my own lunch. So wish me luck tomorrow, I just pray there isn't chocolate cake or something for dessert...

xo *N

Day 3

Another day... another long day, and it wasn't easy but I did make it. I'm not going to lie, as I sit here typing this I want to eat, I mean I want to eat big... but I won't. I've got my brother looking out for me every time I go to the kitchen. And I just treat myself to a little something after supper which was yummy and possibly took the edge off. I found myself getting restless this afternoon so dragged my ass to the gym, which was a good distraction. So I'm heading for my 3rd shiny star, haha.

I went to church this morning but didn't necessarily feel the spiritual connection I had been hoping for, but there was no harm done in going... maybe it will take a few times to re-establish the connection I was hoping for, and hopefully OA will assist in that...

Today being Easter I didn't feel temptations like I thought I might, although there was nothing around to distract me, so I feel like this was a good day, all in all.

So I'm heading into tomorrow, I know it will be easy, the beginning of the week always is (I hope that's not too cocky!). I hope you all had a good Easter!

xo

*N